I can't do this. I mean, I've stumbled in (fill in the blank), or I've been a terrible father, husband, friend, coworker….I'm not qualified to be here, I've been a poor example of Christian masculinity.
What is going to happen when I get to work after almost 2 weeks off? Will the building have burned down in my absence? Will I even have a job to return to? And what about the daughter and wife I left at home while I've been on mission? Have they even missed me? Would they even want me to return?
When I have my nose buried in FB or emails or texts, I'm not doing something Jesus always did well: live in the here and now, secure in the knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me, regardless of my past, and will provide for me in the future. That little addictive pill we call cell phones will always remind me of what has taken place already via email and text, it will give me headaches while I anticipate those bad news calls from work or family. Over the last forty eight hours, I've done something that many of my American countrymen would gasp at: I've gone without an electronic device. I left it home. Don't get me wrong, I didn't bring it mainly because it is a work phone and didn't want to risk losing it or, I blush to admit, worry about having it stolen. But I've noticed something. I'm more content right now than I have been in the last year or so.
I've been left with nothing but what I have right in front of me. An extremely well matched team. No egos, no personality conflicts. An amazing experience in a land I've never seen before. The chance to meet some really fun kids, play with them, feed them, laugh with them. I've been able to appreciate the small things, such as water to drink, playing frisbee, wearing myself out chasing a ball. Breathing. Sweating. Seeing. Living.
I have not had that thunderous God moment here yet. I have not had the pivotal event that sweeps all my woes away. When I get back, the grind resumes and that dreaded little rectangle piece of plastic, glass and silicon will be once again tied to my ear. I will have to deal with work, marriage, being a dad, bills, grass to cut and leaky gutters. Nothing can change all my mistakes, and who knows what waits around the next bend in the road. But this much I do know: God IS with me. He's not only got my back, but my sides and front as well. And He is here, breaking into my now. And I want to meet Him here.
written by Randy Markham